Frustrations

I love my laptop and being able to write on the computer, but sometimes when things aren't working right, it really frustrates me. I don't know how it works, so I don't know how to fix it. It has been times like this throughout my life that my knowledge has grown in leaps and bounds.

I remember as a little girl, probably around six years old, not being able to follow along in the hymnbook. I don't remember the exact song, but I do know that it was one that I particularly liked. I could read fairly well, but I couldn't see where everyone else was reading. I remember standing in church, crying in frustration. My father lovingly showed me how the verses went from line to line. (As a mother and teacher, I am quick to teach this to young children, so they won't feel the panic of being lost in the middle of a hymn.)

Lost... yes, it's the same feeling when you think you know where you are going, but everything looks different. I've been lost many times: taking walks with my daddy who tried to take shortcuts, visiting people on our travels and I went outside to ride a bike, finding my classroom in a new school, walking to a friend's house in a new neighborhood, trying to follow road signs in a strange city. I don't panic as much now when I get lost; I just stop and ask directions. *smile*



I've gotten frustrated when I am learning a new skill; sewing on zippers (got it upside-down and backwards the first time!) knitting socks, playing the left hand on the piano, singing harmony, teaching a student with learning disabilities, creating this blog, etc. The more I get frustrated, the harder I work at it until I feel I've conquered it enough to be acceptable. Acceptable to whom?

Often my frustration is what I perceive to be what others think of me. I don't want to look foolish or inferior. I suppose it was once a defensive mechanism of being the new kid. I'm grateful that I didn't get into some bad habits, for I was a follower and could have been persuaded to go the wrong way just to be a part of the group. I'm thankful for the Lord's protection.

I've never gone to college or earned a degree in anything. Sometimes, that makes me feel so little. I know deep down that it doesn't matter, that I have lived my life the best I knew how. I have raised my children the best I could. I taught school and the students improved academically and socially. Why do I judge myself by other standards? Have I done my best with the life God gave me?

Often I get frustrated because I seem to be making the same mistakes as a Christian over and over. I look at others who seem to have it all together, very organized and steady. I know that I shouldn't measure myself by others, only by what the Lord expects from me. I need to continue to learn and grow, but not because I want to look good to others, but I only need to obey what God tells me to do. I need to turn my eyes away from others and look only on my Lord.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:15



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