"Dear Vonnie" Differing Parenting

Each Saturday, I will do my best to answer your questions. I don't pretend to be an expert, but I know it's not easy being a wife and mother. It can be frustrating and discouraging, yet very rewarding. I'd be glad to listen to you, pray for you, and share some of my thoughts with you.

So, ask me something... anything...



Dear Vonnie,

What do you do when parenting differs and the child figures this out and tries to run one off the other? My husband admits he is a pushover with our daughter, and he coddles her more than he realizes. She will scream and run to daddy when he’s home, and she isn’t getting her way with me.

Signed,
Divided Home

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When parents are not working together in the home, there will be discord. The children will know it, use it to their own advantage, and eventually lose their respect for their parents. It sounds like your daughter has learned how to get what she wants by using your division. She’s not the problem, but she will be involved in the solution.

You and your husband need to find time to really talk alone…maybe with a pastor or an older couple whom you trust and have raised their children well. You need to be close as a couple. He needs to be the husband, the head of the home. You are his wife, his helpmeet.

You, as a wife, need to give the responsibility of your home to your husband. When there is a decision to be made, have the children ask their father. Don’t answer one way or the other; say, “Let’s ask Daddy what he thinks.” Let him be the one who has the final say.

Ephesians 3:21-23

21.Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22.Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23. For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church:
and He is the Saviour of the body.

Your husband may say that he wants you to make some decisions, (which clothes to wear, bedtimes, foods, etc.) but he would be wise in standing behind those decisions…because he delegated the authority to you in those areas. If he doesn’t stand by your decisions, don’t argue (especially in front of the children; they will see the division). Keep quiet and later ask if he really wants you to decide it or would he rather do it? Let him have the final authority.

Teach your children to honor and respect their father. Speak lovingly and tenderly about him; such as “ Daddy has been working hard all day so that we can have good food and clothes. Let’s make some special cookies for him.” When your child asks you a question, say to her, “Ask Daddy. He knows more than I do.” If your child is being whiny or rebellious, say, “God wants you to obey your father.” Make your husband the head of the home. It’s your job to set the tone for the family.

It’s not in our nature to give in to another authority, when we think (or KNOW ) we are right. We cannot do it in our own efforts. We have to realize that God has to give us the meekness and patience to give the respect and honor and authority to our husband. It’s not easy to give up our selfish way, but when we do, we will be content and happy knowing it is right. Your husband will appreciate your love and reciprocate it.

Dear Lord, I pray for this family. I pray that you will work in the parents’ lives. Bring them together, closer to You and to each other. I pray that the father will take the responsibility of the home, and that the mother will teach her children to honor and obey their father. Bring harmony and love in this home. In Jesus’ Name, Amen